Every Tuesday night I have a date with a needle. It’s time I touch on this topic, poop.
The never ending battle of what I can and can’t eat, pain, exhaustion and which medication to try next.
When I was twelve Years old I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I didn’t understand what that meant for me long term at the time. What i did know and feel was embarrassment and wondering “why me?”
I remember it being “in the way” when it came to my social life as a teenager. I remember it being embarrassing when with boyfriends. Keeping some of my first jobs was a total fail because they caused a new stress and with stress comes “flares”. For those of you who don’t know, a flare in my world is essentially uncontrollable bowel movements and pain in excess.
This year I will hit TWENTY years of battling (and often being battled by) this disease. I have tried every drug available on the market for it. Some even not approved and still on study.
I have been part of countless research groups and filled out a million surveys with hope of contributing to the effort to find a cure.
I am pushing the limits and defying the odds of time with the disease and risk of developing cancer.
It’s not all sad, even though most of my life has been lived with Ulcerative Colitis. I married an amazing, patient and understanding human and cooked and birthed three healthy children. I believe they are my purpose here. They push me everyday to function when often I don’t want to. They encourage me to smile, laugh and play.
I am currently trying what I’ve been told is my last drug option. I inject it into my body every Tuesday night. My kids cringe and can’t believe mommy can just stick a needle in without crying.
It has settled my symptoms some, but certainly has not achieved remission or given me symptom free results. I hope it does. After all, isn’t that all I can do?